Reading Speed Test: I got between 300-350 words per minute. {via}

Dairy Lama: bovine haiku.

Who doesn’t like Bush? Well, knitters, Bluetooth users, women, expatriates, Republicans, librarians, bikes (and, presumably, their riders), kids, runners, Bushes, bands, babes (who are, presumably, not already in the women category), secular Americans, the world, shemales, dogs, vaginas, mothers (that don’t fit into women or babes), cats, and the ever-mysterious “we”. {some via}

Single-letter logotypes can be made into profanities. {via}

Weather Channel Australia Webcam: what’s that in the bottom-right corner? {via}

Block Death: well-crafted gallery of morbidity using LEGO™s.

Tombstone Generator: why wait till you did?

Bitter Waitress’s Shitty Tipper Database: good thing I normally do at least 20% (unless the service is poor).

Ever found yourself wondering if someone on this planet produced accurate, scaled drawings of the dashboard of the Trans-Am (K.I.T.T) from 80s hit show Knight Rider? Who hasn’t, you’re probably saying right now! You can stop that wondering now and get on over to the second-oldest Knight Rider page on the Web, lovingly produced by a Finn. {via}

Excel is the devil. {via}

Ain’t science grand? The same technology that allows your baby to piss the whole night yet stay dry is enabling lush landscaping in the deserts around Dubai. {via}

Santa Cruz Guerrilla Drive-In: nature abhors a vacuum or flash mob goes to the movies?

Netscape: and they say construction workers are salty. {via}

Shamey Metalcraft: And toothpicks and fruit pits. I guess Shamey Metalcraft, Toothpicks, and Pits doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Texas Reptiles’ Freaks of Nature Gallery: this is some serious animal kingdom weirdness. {via}

I’m pretty sure that this is an actual outfit spreading Christianity through oversized shoes and red noses.

That’s not water, it’s sand filmed at 1000 fps. Cool! {via}

Inexplicable Objects Gallery: YASOOM. Some are really inexplicable. {via}

Extreme BASE: apparently base jumping is actually B(uilding)A(ntenna)S(pan)E(arth) jumping. Any way you slice it, it’s still nucking futs.

Good Plastic Surgery: like awful plastic surgery, only good.

Best Grilled Cheese Contest: *sigh* how I miss being able to eat bread!

Continuing on my earlier Transformers kick, I present Transformers Porn. It’s, umm, not safe for work and not really safe for most eyes. I wish it were just actual Transformer figurines in compromising positions, but it’s not. {via}

Matthew Thomas chronicles those things that are “the new black.” {via}

Jason Kronenweld is an artist of a different sort. He does slightly softcore pictures of blondes. Oh, he does it using bubble gum on pieces of plywood. Is it art? Umm, this beholder says no. {via}

Apparently, the government mandates kids sections for all of their web sites. Of course, you’d expect sites like the EPA, the Library of Congress, and NASA to have kids areas. But it seems to hold true for all agencies:

• Yucca Mountain
• Social Security Administration
• Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms
• National Security Administration
• Centers for Disease Control
• Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation
• Nuclear Regulatory Commission
• Maritime Administration at the Department of Transportation
• Central Intelligence Agency
• Clerk of the House of Representatives
• Department of Veterans Affairs
• National Center for Education Statistics
• Overseas Private Investment Corporation
• National Geo-Spatial Intelligence Agency
• Mine Safety and Health Administration
• Truman Library
• Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau
• Minerals Management Service
• Office of Legislative and Public Affairs of the National Science Foundation

This started out as a real brief sojourn but I just couldn’t believe some of the stuff that the government thinks kids might be interested in. {via}

Notable Names Database: like IMDB without all the usefulness. {via}

Impress Your Date: funny illustrations of things not to do on a date from the guy who taught us how to dance like a maniac and acting lessons. Going to his homepage, there’s even more weirdness to see and do.

Bubbles: a fun little Flash game, use the arrow keys to get bubbles and grow bigger. {via}

Hulk’s an incredible blogger but it seems like he’d have a hard time writing such long entries. And I would watch yourself when you’re commenting because you don’t want to make him angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. {via}

[UPDATE: In other news, Hulk apparently is also a columnist for The Onion and is upset about there being no sequel to his big movie.]

A man and his SegWay are crossing America at 10 MPH. Too bad they don’t have a real-time webcam. {via}

Here’s a great account of one man’s scambaiting of a Nigerian 419 scammer and how he got $80 out of them. {via}

Nodding.net: bobble-head dogs the world over photographed in the wild.

Who knew that grapes could be such fun? Alright, I did but there’s no reason you can’t be reminded of it. This guy’s also created a strawberry Pop-Tart blowtorch.

Would this be a great coffee table book or what? Okay, what.

You never know when this information might come in handy. {via}

When Pigs Fly: Songs You Never Thought You’d Hear (Amazon link): Don Ho singing “Shock the Monkey”, Ani DiFranco and Jackie Chan singing “Unforgettable”, The Connells singing “Insane in the Brain”—yeah, sounds about right.

Awwww.

Breakdancin’ Transformers: mine used to do the same thing. {via}

On a somewhat related note, I’ve become quite fond of the rap group Optimus Rhyme. {via}

Internet Acronyms Dictionary: for those who don’t know their ROFLBSAOTP from their FFRD. {via}

Back in my day, we didn’t have these digital cameras. We had paint cans and we liked it.

Starbucks Everywhere: one man’s quest to visit every Starbuck’s in the world. Remember when people had hobbies like gardening or hiking? {via}

This, apparently, is a real product. If you want to stick it to John Kerry and spouse in the most ineffectual way possible while spending twice as much as necessary on a condiment, you couldn’t find a better way.

Funny Microsoft Knowledgebase Articles: some of them are hilarious. {via}

I like the apocryphal story in the first paragraph of this article. Seems like a case of what’s good for the goose but I would think you’d have to tell your employer or it’d be fraud. {via}

What kind of “Asian security conference” ends like this? {via}

Best Buy targets demon customers? Sounds about right.

I guess it’s good to have a goal.

The Centers for Disease Control now have disease trading cards. You know, for kids. Well, I guess trading cards is a little ambitious since they’re all available in PDF. My favorite is definitely the Recreational Water Illnesses card: “PLEASE don’t swim when you have diarrhea.” {via}

Being something of a pen twirler myself, I am intrigued by the talent displayed in this video of pen twirling. My major accomplishment in this area was to be able to twirl a pen (though I started with a wonderful mechanical pencil that was all the rage as a ninth-grade geek) at all. I generally lack advanced hand-eye coordination; I can play video games but not exceptionally. {via}

Oliver is a very special chimpanzee. No, he’s not a helper monkey; he’s a mutant chimpanzee with humanoid features including a proclivity for our unique vices. {via}

Something tells me you won’t be seeing this in Victoria’s Secret anytime soon. Yummy! {via}

This photo needs a caption better than “Pat Campanella, left, and Affordable Towing and Recovery owner Devin Statts discuss how to get Campanella’s SUV out of Katherine Peacock’s pool in Hawai’i Kai. Campanella was giving his wife a driving lesson when she overcompensated and drove into the pool.”

How about:

• “I’d be careful diving if I were you.”
• “That pool came out of nowhere.”
• “Can we not report this to CarFax.com?”

Please leave your own caption ideas in the comments. {via}

2004 Design Award Winners: there’s some really innovative ideas here. Click around: it’s worth it.

Chess Boxing: makes as much sense as anything else.